Closing the Loop….

This morning, I woke up around 9:30AM, and got a shower. I had to get ready for the mattress delivery men and I had to get the bed stripped. After my shower, I got dressed and stripped the bed. I made some coffee and watched Dawson’s Creek, then Leanne called me and we chatted while the mattress guys came to deliver the mattress. I don’t like being alone when delivery men show up.

While the men were dragging the new mattress up and taking the old one out of the house, my other line beeped in on the phone, and it was CMU. I told Leanne to hang on. I clicked over and it was Gloria Gruber from CMU. I thought this was the moment, but I wasn’t sure because I could tell in her voice, that she didn’t seem excited.  Typically, one can tell right away, whether it was good news or not. It was not good news. She told me she was calling to “Close the loop on the position.” I did not receive the position, because they chose not to fill it at the present time, but they are going to go ahead and put a temp in the position for now. I was so upset. I said, “Oh okay, well thank you for calling and letting me know.”

When I got off the phone with her, I clicked back over to Leanne. I told her what happened. She told me not to worry something will come through for me. I told her I was coming over when the mattress guys left. I had to get out. I felt like the house was getting smaller and closing in on me.

After the guys left, I called Drew when I was getting ready to walk out the door. I wasn’t sure how he was going to react, or what he was going to say. I knew he would be upset at the fact that I didn’t get it. I know he isn’t mad at me and this whole thing isn’t my fault. I have been applying for jobs, but nothing has been coming out of it. I know its probably because of the holidays, and etc. I get it, but damn. I miss the music department, and my friends.

When I got to Leanne’s, she was sitting there finger knitting and Maci was on the couch. She was sick. I went there to take my mind off of the situation, so she taught me how to finger knit. I couldn’t tell if I liked it or not, but it did take my mind off things. While I was there, I called Jason from Volt and he said he no longer works at Volt. He started working at Dollar Energy yesterday was his first day. He did tell me some names of people I could contact. Wow all my old contacts are not working for me in the way they once did. I stayed until 3pm then I went home. I had to make dinner. I just didn’t want to be there anymore. I wasn’t in the mood for her. I love her, but I couldn’t be around her today. When I got home, I made dinner, did some laundry, and fixed our bed. I applied for jobs.

Then Drew came home, and I knew I was going to cry the moment I saw him. I cried all evening. I think he did too a little in his own little way. I kind of knew that there was a possibility that I wasn’t going to get it, but at the same time I was still so hopeful, and so ready to accept the position, because of how I got the interview, it just seemed written in the stars, but I am back to square one. I hope something comes from these applications that I have been putting in, especially the one at Pitt. I told Paula, and she was sad for me. I told her I applied for the Theatre Arts administrator. She said she was going to reach out to her contact for me. It was a sad evening, and one that I do not want to relive.

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