Last Session

Today, I had a therapy appointment. It was going to be my last session with my therapist. It was bittersweet. I was going to miss her. I dedicate this entry to her. When we went back to her office, the first thing she said to me, was “Wow your hair is longer, last time I saw you it was shorter.” I said, “Yes, I am trying to grow it out, but I guess to me it doesn’t seem like it is growing as fast as I want it to, especially when you are addicted to bleaching your hair.”
When I sat down, she said so it has been so long. We haven’t talked since you started at the Temp pool. You were getting ready to start. I said, “Wow it has been a long time.” I told her why I was mad.  I told her what I had accomplished and what it was like working there. She said, “it is so illogical for you that is why you are mad.” I agree with her. Yes, it is so illogical to me, especially with all the hard work I have put into that position.
After the session was over, she told me that I was going to be okay. She said, “I was going to do well.” I believe her. I just get in my head about things, and she has a way of making me think about the things that bother me, differently. We talked about the gym, and how exercise makes me feel good, in my mind, body, and soul. She was glad to hear it. When I left, she gave me a business card with the new address, with her private practice, which is in the south hills. I don’t see myself traveling to the south hills for just an hour-long session.
Before I left, she gave me a hug and walked me out. I am forever grateful to her. She was there for me when I needed her. I think I am going to be okay, without her. I find myself so attached to people. Almost like they are my security blanket, and I just don’t think it is healthy sometimes. I need to try to help myself, by simply keeping a grip on what I have learned from people in my life, and move on.
When I left therapy, I felt good I had a good session. I can’t see myself starting over with anyone else. I think that wouldn’t be good for me. I have come too far for that, and I don’t want to go back to the reasons why I was brought to therapy, the whole process of reintroducing myself. The elements that brought me to therapy, aren’t really all that valid to me anymore. I know what they are, and they are mine, but this journey into the future and keeping the past in the past is the journey I want to continue.
When Drew got home, we talked about my session, and he was glad it went well and that I had a good day. I feel like today was the first ever good day since this whole thing happened with CMU. I know it is sad to say, but I am going to be okay. I finally feel like I am on my way to being okay.

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