Day 2: New Deck and a Glimpse into the Past

That day, Will looked the same to me. I guess he has been clean for a while now. I hope he continues to stay clean. It wasn’t awkward at all. He and I talked and laughed like old times. At one point, he even apologized for what he did to me when we dated. He admitted that he was a shitty boyfriend. I said, “We were young.” He said, “yeah, I know I just think about it sometimes, and how I hurt you.” I said, “Well it hurt more than she was my best friend and the fact that you guys were trying to be sneaky about it. You two hooking up when I was in Florida visiting my grandma, but when I got home she didn’t even have the guts to tell me. You told me.” He understood. I said, “but it’s in the past and honestly it was so long ago, but thank you for apologizing.” He said, “You are welcome.” He kind of gave me a cute little look, like how he used to do when we were dating.  I think maybe he still thinks about the past and dwells on it so much is because of the drugs. The drugs probably don’t let him forget about the type of person he was when he was dating me or the things that he did wrong. I feel like there was just this huge lapse in time for him that he can’t account for, and he hasn’t come to terms with his choices in the right and healthy way. He just shot them up. I don’t know I am not an addict so I don’t know what that is like, but I feel for him.

Honestly, it was nice that he apologized don’t get me wrong, but I don’t think about him anymore like that. I am not heartbroken over him, and I don’t think I ever really was all that heartbroken over Will. I just can’t stand the behind my back stuff. I never expected any more from Amber. She was my best friend at the time, but so spineless when she had to go to bat for someone, or when it came to doing right by someone.

After they finished the deck, Drew came home and he went outside and checked out the deck. He liked it and was happy with the job they did. He asked about Will? I told him what he said, and Drew understood where he was coming from and was glad that he apologized, but didn’t have too much to say about it. We went to the gym that evening and then home to bed.

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