Hard Decisions

Every day there are so many decisions a person has to make. What time should I get up? What should I wear? Should I wear a sweater? or perhaps it is too hot and won’t need one? so, then what bus do I need to take? What should I eat for lunch? Hot or iced coffee? Life is so full of decisions, and if we stopped and thought about how many times we struggle with decisions every day, I bet the number would be up there, and it would be be pretty high.

Currently, I am struggling with a huge decision, and I think it is pretty obvious what my answer should be. I am presently employed with the University of Pittsburgh’s ALL TEMP’s department. I am in my third temporary assignment. The assignment that I am fulfilling is Wedding Coordinator/Docent for the Heinz Chapel. The plan is for me to start out at as a temp and then be brought on as a part-time employee, if my performance is satisfactory.

Prior to accepting the position with Heinz Chapel, I had been on several interviews. Some I have made it to the second round, others not so much. However, since I have started this position with Heinz Chapel, I have been keeping pretty busy, and kind of forgot about the Social Sciences position that I interviewed for back in early June, so I did send a follow up e-mail for two reasons.

  • It has been awhile, since I heard anything and I just wanted to follow up. I would love to be the candidate of their choice.
  • It would be nice to have my weekends back again.

I did eventually hear back from Social Sciences via e-mail. I was relived that they still wanted to pursue me. In the e-mail, she stated that she wanted to reach out to my references. I dialed her office number, and thankfully she had a few minutes to speak to me. I wanted to make her aware of a few things before she reached out to my references.

First, I wanted to let her know that there is someone not saying such nice things about me. It is not one of my references, I think it may be someone from my first assignment at Pitt. I just said, I think I rubbed elbows with someone the wrong way. She said, well thank you for your honesty, as long as you learned from it. I said, yes I have. I think my personality gets in the way sometimes. She said, that she could tell that would be my biggest challenge, is my bubbly personality. She also said, that she used to be just like me, but she has had to learn to tone it down in order to let it get in the way of work. I was glad she was able to empathize with me, and wasn’t going to let that interfere with my chance of being the candidate for the position.
Secondly, I told her about my employment at Heinz Chapel, and how I do not want Pat or Wendy to know that I am considering employment elsewhere. I made sure she knew that I was only a temp, so she would know that it would be okay to still pursue me as the candidate. She understood, and asked how I found out about what that one person was saying about me. I told her that I kind of pushed Pat, and she gave me an idea of who it was, and not to be worried about it.
Thankfully, Linda was understanding. She told me the next step would be for her to contact my references, and once she does so, she will be in touch with me regarding the next step. This conversation took place on Monday, and it is now Thursday. I have heard that she has been in contact with all the references, I imagine, and I am waiting to hear back from her. I understand we are about to embark on a holiday weekend, so I am not trying to think too much, but it would be so nice to know that I am the candidate and it is in the Dean’s hand, and then in the Provost’s hand. I just want to be the one.
Today, I am at the desk working as a docent, and I get a call from RMU. It was Professor DiLauro on the phone. He wanted to see if I was still interested in the part-time position with RMU. I said, oh wow. He said, Yes I know I sent you a letter of rejection, and I want to apologize, but the position became available again, and you were one of the top candidates for the position. I said, “Yes, I am.” Because I was still interested, but just for the sake of conversation I wanted to know what happened to the candidate that he chose? and why the position was open again so soon? He said, “Well she went through the whole process, then decided that part-time just wasn’t going to cut it for her.” I said, “I understand.” I thanked him for his honesty, and then decided it was my turn to be honest. I told him about the opportunities here at Pitt, and how there is probably going to be an offer coming from the Social Science department, and that it would be an opportunity to be a Full-time employee of the University of Pittsburgh. He was actually happy for me, and said well how about we do this, send me over an e-mail with some references, and then I will contact them and get the ball rolling over here. I know you said, they are supposed to get in touch with you, so lets say get in touch with me by Wednesday, July 5 and I will keep the window open for you. I agreed that should be enough time, but at the same time, when was she going to call me?
When I got off the phone with him, I immediately texted Drew, and told him. He said, “Oh wow,” which was my reaction, as well.  He told me that if I turn down this opportunity at Pitt, then there is a good chance, that I may never get the opportunity to work at Pitt again, considering all that has happened to me here. He then said, if I wanted to apply at RMU in the future I could, but for right now I need to accept this opportunity with Pitt. He told me that I know Social Sciences is going to make you an offer, it’s just a matter of time. He may be right, but at the same time RMU would provide for me a fresh start, a chance to go to grad school without the GRE score, and the schedule would work fabulously when we have children, plus RMU is home to me. Pitt, would be great to get into it, but at the same time I wouldn’t be able to attend grad school without a gre score, and on top of that we would definitely need day care, if I were to stay at Pitt while we had children. He says, he has a bad feeling about this and brought up the awful thing that happened when I decided to leave the radio station for a position where I was misled. I hate when people bring that up, especially him. If anyone knows, what I went through that day, it was him, and this is nothing compared to what I have been through, this is a whole new beast.

After texting with Drew, I know what he is saying. I get it. Leaving Pitt for an opportunity with RMU would probably hurt my chances of ever getting back into Pitt. I don’t think it is the best idea. However, I have been waiting for an opportunity to come along with RMU for so long. While I was feeling emotional, and trying not to cry, a tour of about 42 people came in. A mix of children and adults. I  thought this was a scheduled tour, so I asked them all to sit in the middle of the chapel, in view of the transept windows. Pat, my director, was talking to some people in the chapel. I politely interrupted her, and asked if she would turn around, when she did she saw the group of people, she looked at me. I said, “is this your tour?” She said, “wow, no.” I said, “Okay, well should I get a mic?” she said, “I don’t think you need one.” I said, “Okay.” I did not want to do this right now. I was so emotional, from the conversation and torn with my decision, this is not what I wanted to do. I put my best smile on, and looked at the group of children. I asked them, “So who here, knows what Heinz ketchup is?” they all raised their hands. I said, “Great, who knows what heinz field is?” They all raised her hand. I said, “Well this chapel, was a gift from H.J Heinz to his mother. He left a sum of money when he passed away, that something be done with it to honor his mother, so boys this is what you should do to honor your mother.” They all looked at me like I lost my mind, and the adults all laughed. I also said, if you look at the windows you will see some familiar faces, does anyone recognize anyone in the windows?” They all raised their hands. I said, “No, need just shout.” They all shouted, “George washington, Ben Franklin, Abraham Lincoln.” I said, “Correct. Heinz’s mom, thought religion and education were very cool things to have in our minds, and in our hearts, so this chapel combines both, religion and education.” Then, a little boy raised his hand, and said, I called on him and he said, “I see something modern here.” I said, “What is that?” he said, “The exit sign.” I said, “Yes you are very observant.” then Pat, chimed in and said, “Also, if you feel that cold air. We had climate control installed, and an elevator put in.” I got a little annoyed. Pat they don’t give a shit about climate control they are kids.

When she was finished, I also mentioned something about the Gothic architecture. I said,”If you look at the stone and the way it is carved, and the pointy elements of the chapel. Doesn’t it remind you of Hogwarts and Harry Potter?” they all agreed and smiled. I said, this p. articular architecture is called Gothic.” They asked when it was built? I said, 1933 is when the ground was broken, and it became a legit building in 1938.” They seemed to have liked my tour. We turned the organ on for them for a few minutes, then they were were out the door.

After the tour, I checked my phone. I told Drew I din’t want to talk about this anymore, until I saw him. He brought me some water, when he was on his way over. I wasn’t mad when I saw him, but I was passionate. I wanted to make this decision for myself. We did have a donor in the building, so I pulled out a folding chair for him to sit in, and we talked it all out. I told him that, if we weren’t married I would be able to make this decision for myself, and not have to involve anyone else, but I probably would have made the wrong decision, without having counsel from you.” He nodded his head and agreed. Individuality is something that I cherish, and this is not one of those times where I can make a decision on my own. I have to consider the other person in this marriage, and I think maybe that was bothering me too.

Overall, I didn’t even have an offer from Linda yet, so I was fair game for anything in my mind, but I do have to do what is best. Andrew understood what I was saying, and he said, that he didn’t like how I was second best with RMU. He said, I didn’t deserve that. I agree. I don’t deserve to be second best. I know what I need to do, and that is focus on Pitt.

When we left the chapel, and got on the bus. I was in a good state of mind. We were in a good state. I decided to not go to the gym. I just made some chicken, and hung out. I watched Jamestown and did some laundry. I just feel emotionally worn out, and didn’t feel like working out, so I worked    on my blog, and did some laundry.

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