Discouraged

In class today, our professor went over our papers. She said, I have been getting a lot of e-mails about the paper. Let’s go over the difference between a topic and an idea. For example Student Retention is too broad it is an idea. A topic would be Student Retention among minorities, or some racial demographic. I looked over at my friend Julia, who is also in my class and I mouth. “Shit.” I had my paper done and it was on the overall aspect of student retention.
This morning, my tutor and I reviewed my paper and checked it for punctuation, so now I have to research again? I should have known better. At one point during the class,  we were working in our groups and discussing the readings. I turned to the professor and asked if I could speak with her during break? She said, “yeah of course. You can walk with me to get a snack.” I said, “alright.”
When break time arrived, I walked with her down the hall to the faculty break room. I told her my situation. I said, I finished my paper over the weekend and I have been back and forth with my tutor via text.  I wrote my paper on Student Retention, but I didn’t narrow it down. She said, “yea, you need to narrow it down.” At this point, we walked into the break room and she was getting her fat bombs out of the freezer (she is keto too). I said, okay, but here is where I am at, I spent all weekend writing my paper. I researched last weekend, and wrote it this weekend. I have an internship in the evening on Thursday-Saturday and I work full-time I don’t really have the time to research again and get it proofread.” she nodded her head. I said, “so do you think that I would be good to write about First-Generation college student retention, or  retention among minorities?” She said, “I think you could find a lot out there on First-Generation college student retention. I want to know when we started looking at First-Generation student retention, not just student retention.”  I said, “Okay, I will do what I can with the time that I have.”  We walked back into the class room, and I said, “I just wish you would have gone over that last week.” We laughed a bit and she said, “Sorry girl! I was just getting so many questions about it.” I smiled and thanked her for her time and took my seat.
The rest of the class I was annoyed and discouraged. It is so important that I do well on this first paper. At the end of class, she made an announcement, that we could do a re-write if we wanted. I thought to myself again, something that could have been mentioned earlier. Maybe it wouldn’t have made a difference in my anxiety, but I would be better prepared then I am now.
When I met up with Drew after class, I was so annoyed. I asked him how class was, and he said that it went well. I told him about the situation with my paper and he felt bad for me. I told him I am not going to have the time to re research everything again. I am going to weave it through my paper, as I can. I just need to find a couple good sources about first-generation college students.  On the way home, I was feeling sick. I needed to take a sick day tomorrow. I was not in a good state of mind. I could rest and research, the two Rs.

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