Unpacking the Past

This probably the most awkward post I have ever had to write. They say everyone has a past. Everyone has a complicated past or a complicated ex, or situation. There is one person who stands out to me. We never really found that closure and always found ourselves going back to one, another.

I went to RMU in the evening to meet with John and pick up a scarf that a workstudy made for me.
image.pngI love when my students make stuff for me. The color is amazing. I asked her to please make me a grey one as well.

I got my table set up with John’s computer to swipe in the students, who were coming to the magician event. I took a seat at the table and waited for the students to arrive. I was browsing my phone, and I checked my Instagram. I wanted to see who saw my stories about my scarf!

Then I noticed, I had a direct message notification. I tapped the notifciation and then the screen opened a direct message from my past, the ex, the complicated situation. He sent me an emjoi of him waving his hand. I took a deep breath. I wanted to say so many things. I started to text then I hit backspace. I started to text again. Then I hit back space. Then I thought of the only logical thing I could say to him, “Please leave me alone.” I hit send. I think that phrase was going to have to be good enough. Sure, it wasnt all that I wanted to say, but I can’t go down that rabbit hole, of wanting to unpack the past. I just can’t. He sent me the thumbs up emjoii. I blocked him.

As soon as this happened, I called Drew and told him. He was glad that I told him and that I did what I did. I even sent him a screen shot of the proof. He was grateful. I couldn’t explain to my husband, how much of a struggle it was just to send that simple phrase. My ego was ignited. He was still trying to talk to me. I might be able to talk to Drew(my husband) about it. I know my mom would understand, and my bestfriend.

After the event, I went home. I called my mom on the way home. Anthony, my best friend was on the way home from work and wasn’t able to talk right away. My mom definitely undersood where I was coming from and my urge to unpack the past. She was glad i didn’t respond with anything else except “Please leave me alone.” I told her how hard it was and I would type then hit back space. Type, then hit back space. My mom said, I did the right thing.

Anyone else experience this confliction? How did you handle it?

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