A few weeks ago my mom was cleaning out the fireproof filing cabinet in the extra bedroom and she came across my adoption papers. She asked me if I wanted them? I took them from her and said, “okay.” She said, “You can keep them here if you want, but they are yours.” I said, “Yea, I know thank you.” I flipped through the pages, and I must have read these papers a thousand times, but something struck me light lightning. The very last page is a one-page description describing the physical descriptions of my birth family. Also, there is a little one-liner about each of them. The one that stood out to me was the description of my birth father, it says:
“Your birth father was 17 years old, and just completed the 10th grade. The relationship ended right before he knew she was pregnant.”
I never really read this before, like really read it. I know now what it means to have completed the 10th grade. You are typically 16 years old, as a sophomore. When one completes the 10th grade, they are typically not 17 years old. I held back my tears. I wanted to cry in the car, or when I got home.
When I left my parents’ house, I took my adoption papers with me and I called Drew. I sobbed the whole way home. I have so many questions. I have so many things I want to find out about my birth parents, this was an awakening. I need to try, if I don’t try, then I might regret it. He completely understood and felt so bad for me. He said we can start the process baby. I support you, whatever you want to do.
When I got off the phone, we sat at the table and talked about it and I showed him the one-page summary. He was shocked at what I discovered as well. He asked if I still had the form that the archives unit sent me? I said, “I think it is upstairs in the filing cabinet.” He said, “Do you want to fill it out and get started?” I said, “Yea, I think I need to. If I don’t, I will regret it.”
This past Thursday, we did a power clean of our house, and I found the form from the archives unit. I took a deep breath and noticed that I filled it out with old information. I planned to call them tomorrow to get an updated form.
Friday, we had off work due to Spring break. I called the archives unit and they sent me new forms and answered some of my questions. I printed out the new forms and filled them out. Some of the paperwork has to be completed by a notary, but it is going to cost $750.00 for one birth parent. When we are ready to send in the payment information, I will go to Triple-A and get it notarized. I feel so much better about starting this process and I am completely okay with whatever the outcome is, but I feel like I do not try then I will regret it and I don’t want to regret anything. The rest of the day, I was kind of in my head and I listened to counting crows as I waited for Drew to come back from the grocery store.
After we put groceries away, he asked how I was doing? and I said, well I am kind of in my head today, but I did manage to get some homework done. I did get the one-page outline done for my legal paper. Well done for now at least. He was glad of that. I still had some more homework to do over the weekend, such as start my 5-page paper for student development theory, and my toolbox summaries as well. I told him that part of me feels as though this is the adoption process is the last thing I need on my mind right now, but that is how I seem to do things. I am either all in or all out. I am going to be okay. I am going to make it work. I want to make sure I blog about it every step of the way and really live in each moment.