DISCLAIMER: Beware this a very honest and serious blog post. I don’t mean to offend, this is just my uncensored thoughts and opinions.:
I got a phone call notification on Facebook messenger. My screen said Amber. I answered the call. She said, “Hey, I don’t know your number anymore, but did you hear Josh passed away?” I said, “What? Who?” She said, “Josh (Last Name) ain’t sad.” I had this confused look on my face. I said, “Yes, it is, but I haven’t really seen Josh, or heard from him in years. It has to be since we were in High school.” She said, “Oh, I am so sad over it.” I said, “was it drugs?” She said, “I don’t know. You and everyone else keep asking me that, I am not a forensic examiner.” We both laughed. I missed that sarcastic sense of humor. Our shared sense of the humor, is one of the main elements that held our friendship together, as we got older I have found there were so many key things that we just didn’t have in common anymore. I just couldn’t ignore it anymore.
When I got off the phone with her, I got to thinking wow a guy I dated, when I was 13 years old is dead. He was my so-called, “boyfriend” for maybe 2-3 weeks in the 7th grade. I still liked Zach and I think Zach and I were trying to date again, and that is why I broke up with him, or maybe it was because Amber really didn’t like him, and planned to hook me up with Eugene; a friend of her boyfriend’s. The time line is a little fuzzy. I don’t have any pictures of me and Josh. I only really have one memory of him and me.
Looking back, I remember my dad and I dropped me and Josh off at the move theaters in South Hills Village Mall. We went to go see the Wedding Planner. It was a weird pre-teen date. Your parent drops you off and picks you up, and it is awkward, because you wish you could just date like normal teenagers, but neither one of us drove. I hated those kind of dates, where my parents, or a parent would come and pick us up, always so awkward. I remember being so excited to get out of that phase, but anyways back to Josh.
In high school, I remember hanging out with this girl Nicole a couple times. I would take the bus with her, back to her house. She lived by our old grade school. I knew Josh lived in her neighborhood still. He never left Sheraden. I would see him, when she and I would be walking around the neighborhood. He would see me and want to hold me, try to kiss me, and get back together with me, but he always looked so grungy, and had these gauges in his ears. I wasn’t really having it. He didn’t really age well into his teenager years, and there after. He just looked dirty, and disheveled all the time. He was all about the “Skater” look and he bragged about smoking weed. I just never really was attracted to him anymore. He was more clean cut and nice looking when he was younger.
After seeing him those couple times, I hadn’t seen him again. Even when I would be back in the neighborhood, where I grew up in Crafton. I never once saw him in the shopping center, or at the bars, etc. It was like he disappeared in a sense, but he never left Sheraden. Amber said, he used to work with her at the pizza place in Crafton, oh okay cool?
I believe Josh died of an overdose. It hasn’t been confirmed. I knew he smoked weed, but I guess he was into harder drugs. I don’t know what, but I would probably guess and say Heroin. It is easy to get on the streets and popular in certain areas, so is weed, but weed is becoming so unpopular and not as “taboo” anymore. I remember learning about all these various drugs in D.A.R.E class. I never had the desire to try any of them, but I did try weed, other than that I just never had an interest in going past weed and trying something “harder.” It is hard for me to imagine the reason why people would want to do “Drugs.” Drugs of any sort. Weed made me paranoid and it didn’t really chill me out, like people say it should.
Also, I find it hard for to have sympathy for the ones that do drugs, and eventually kill themselves. I know that may sound harsh, but you wouldn’t be dead right now, if you never did drugs? I mean you overdosed, so if you never dosed in the first place, your chances of living would be much higher. I know it maybe hard for some people to seek help; can’t afford it, or can’t commit. This may be cruel, but I save my sympathy for the people who are more deserving of it.The whole idea of Drugs are selfish, and overdosing is a very selfish thing to do you, and your loved ones. Oh, I forgot to mention, Josh left behind two children.
This the first death that I have experienced, where it was someone that I dated. I really have no words. I have typed and said them all. I feel it is sad for his family, but it doesn’t quite affect me. My life turned out so different then some of my friends. I willed it that way, and I fought for the things I have in my life. It wasn’t easy to go down this path. I had opportunities to lose my way, but I never wanted to. I always tried to do well, and do the right thing. I did have my moments, where I lived in the dark and I had dark times, but they didn’t last long and they weren’t extreme. I have always preferred the light, no matter how enticing the dark may seem.
I am thankful for my upbringing and the ability to distinguish the light from the dark. I have a great foundation.I take it for granted almost daily, but I am working on it. I am more thankful for things, than I used to be.
However, to those who have used and are struggling with addiction I hope you receive help and you learn to value yourself, and please stop being so selfish. think of your families, your children, your loved ones, the people, who would be devastated. Think of someone else other than yourself.