Discouraged

In class today, our professor went over our papers. She said I have been getting a lot of e-mails about the paper. Let’s go over the difference between a topic and an idea. For example, Student Retention is too broad it is an idea. A topic would be Student Retention among minorities or some racial demographic. I looked over at my friend Julia, who is also in my class and I mouth. “Shit.” I had my paper done and it was on the overall aspect of student retention.
This morning, my tutor and I reviewed my paper and checked it for punctuation, so now I have to research again? I should have known better. At one point during the class,  we were working in our groups and discussing the readings. I turned to the professor and asked if I could speak with her during the break? She said, “yeah of course. You can walk with me to get a snack.” I said, “alright.”
When break time arrived, I walked with her down the hall to the faculty break room. I told her about my situation. I said, I finished my paper over the weekend and I have been back and forth with my tutor via text.  I wrote my paper on Student Retention, but I didn’t narrow it down. She said, “yea, you need to narrow it down.” At this point, we walked into the break room and she was getting her fat bombs out of the freezer (she is keto too). I said, okay, but here is where I am at, I spent all weekend writing my paper. I researched last weekend and wrote it this weekend. I have an internship in the evening on Thursday-Saturday and I work full-time I don’t really have the time to research again and get it to proofread.” she nodded her head. I said, “so do you think that I would be good to write about First-Generation college student retention or  retention among minorities?” She said, “I think you could find a lot out there on First-Generation college student retention. I want to know when we started looking at First-Generation student retention, not just student retention.”  I said, “Okay, I will do what I can with the time that I have.”  We walked back into the classroom, and I said, “I just wish you would have gone over that last week.” We laughed a bit and she said, “Sorry girl! I was just getting so many questions about it.” I smiled and thanked her for her time and took my seat.
The rest of the class I was annoyed and discouraged. It is so important that I do well on this first paper. At the end of class, she made an announcement, that we could do a re-write if we wanted. I thought to myself again, something that could have been mentioned earlier. Maybe it wouldn’t have made a difference in my anxiety, but I would be better prepared then I am now.
When I met up with Drew after class, I was so annoyed. I asked him how the class was, and he said that it went well. I told him about the situation with my paper and he felt bad for me. I told him I am not going to have the time to re-research everything again. I am going to weave it through my paper, as I can. I just need to find a couple of good sources about first-generation college students.  On the way home, I was feeling sick. I needed to take a sick day tomorrow. I was not in a good state of mind. I could rest and research, the two Rs.

Barre Wednesday

This morning, I woke up and I was in some pain. I had pain in my lower back, and on the left side of my pelvis.  I thought this is for sure period pain. It is going to come today! The past couple days, I haven’t been feeling all that great. I have had nausea and I have been so tired, but I think that it is all hormone related.

At work, Nancy the other admin and I were talking about families, and some of the things she has experienced with her family. She noticed I haven’t been feeling all that great, and was wondering if maybe I was pregnant. She wanted me to take a test. I knew I wasn’t. Drew and I have been so busy and I have had so much work to do for grad school, we have to have sex in order to get pregnant. 😉

Around 3pm, I went to the restroom and my period was here. I know this is TMI, but I was so happy. I told Nancy it was here and she laughed. We were both relieved. Nancy is like my second mother. She tells me I am like her kid all the time. I was cramping so badly, and I walked slow to the cathedral to meet Drew.

When I met up with him, he asked how I was doing? I told him I was okay, but I was cramping. He asked if I still wanted to go to barre, and I told him yes. I didn’t want to miss barre. When we got home, I got changed and ready to go to barre class.

There was so much traffic getting on to the Sewickley bridge. I did a U-Turn, but Stoops Ferry road.  Apparently 65 was closed due to a landslide. Once I got to the gym, I parked my car and walked in. I thought how am I going to exercise with these cramps? I walked past the basketball court and there were still kids playing b-ball, so I walked to where the treadmills were, and I saw Erin. She was going to come to class with me, but wanted to get some cardio in before class. I decided to do the same. The only treadmill that was open was next to this man, so I got on the treadmill, and there was a man standing in front of the treadmill talking to the guy, who was next to me on the neighboring treadmill. I didn’t bring my headphones, so I had to hear their conversation. I walked on the treadmill for about 5 mins, before I got off and walked away. I couldn’t take it anymore. They were talking about the tuxedos for the one guy’s,  daughter’s wedding. How they have it so easy and the women don’t. I was so irritable and didn’t care to hear their conversation.

When I walked into the basketball court area, it was mostly clear except for a couple kids still shooting hoops, the instructor walked in and told the children to leave, she has a class in here now. The children took their time. My instructor means business. I got a chair, a mat, and 2 pound weights. I went over to my spot. I set up my stuff and kicked off my shoes. I took off my socks, and got ready for class. Right before class started, Erin came in and set up next to me. I told her to grab at least 2 pound weights. She said, “okay.” she grabbed weights and went back over to the mat next to me.

The instructor turned on the music, and started the class. We started with piles and leg work. After we finished legs, my legs were shaking. My thighs were so wobbly. We moved to arms. I grabbed my weights and stood in first position and we worked our arms in different motions with the weights.

Then it happened, at one point the instructor kept correcting Erin. She was saying that her form isn’t right, and if the weights are too heavy, then she should grab smaller weights. She said, “what do you have? 5 pounds?” Erin said, “yes, this is my second work out today.” The instructor still encouraged her to get smaller weights. Then the instructor corrected her form again, and said she won’t get anything out of it, if her form isn’t right. Erin took her weights back to the rack and then put her shoes on, and grabbed her chair and mat. She put the chair and mat away, and then told me to come find her after class. The entire time I am trying to follow the instructor and trying to pay attention in the class. I like Erin, but I was just so annoyed. The instructor approached Erin as she was leaving and said, she just didn’t want her to get hurt. Erin said, I am not a novice fitness person, I know how to lift weights. It’s okay, I will just finish my work out in there and pointed to the cardio area where the treadmills are located. I shook my head a bit. I really was so annoyed.

After arms, we got down on the mat, and my iwatch lit up it was a text from Erin, more like a 2 page story about her thoughts on the instructor. I thought oh my God. I will talk to you after class. I am in class right now, leave me alone. I know you left. I was there. I know you are upset, but  damn. The ab work out was ridiculously hard for me today. I wonder if the instructor was upset that Erin left and was taking it out on my abs!

After class, I put my weights back, my chair, and wiped off my mat. The instructor asked me if I knew that girl. I said, I just know her from coming here, that is all. She said, oh okay, well I don’t want her to get upset with me. I was just trying to do my job and instruct her, and encourage her to get smaller weights. I said, oh i know, but she feels she is advanced and was going to listen to anyone else, that is her problem. She said, “yea, but I am going to get flack for it from Adrienne.” I said, go talk to her now and tell her your side, and it will be okay. I will vouch for you. She was glad to hear that and appreciated me being there for her. Honestly, I do like Erin, but at the same time, I have grown to respect my barre instructor, and I felt Erin was wrong on this one. I was annoyed with her too.

After I left the instructor, I went over to the weight room where Drew was and told him about the drama. Then I sort of looked for Erin. She told me to find her after class. I really didn’t want to. I was hoping she would have left by now. I did see her on the ab machine. I took a deep breath and approached her. I wanted to tell her how annoying she was, and how she acted like a child, but I didn’t. She apologized and said she didn’t like the instructor’s style, and how she called her out in class. I shrugged my shoulders, and told her I understand her perspective. I told her I had to get going. She understood. I wanted to leave before I said something out of turn.

When I got home, I got a shower, drank protein drink and watched Reign, until Drew came home. Tomorrow was going to be a better day. I just know it.

Wednesday

Last night, we packed to go to Crafton. Drew had a rough day at work. The system crashed and he texted me saying he wanted to throw up and scream. I felt so bad. I know how hard he has been working for this demo that is supposed to debut on the 13th, so I am trying to be as supported as possible. We had Wendy’s for dinner and watched two episodes of Entourage, then packed up. After packing, we watched Siesta Key; the season finale then went to bed.

Today, I drove into Crafton. We are dog sitting, again! I can’t wait to see my dogs, but it is such a pain to be back home if that makes any sense. We have to pack, and then be responsible for the dogs. I just want to love them, play with them, cuddle them, then leave, but the responsibility in the middle of the work week is eh.

On my way to Crafton this morning, there was an accident in the left lane on the parkway right before the Green tree exit. Traffic was a slow crawl to the exit. The yinzers, who don’t know how to drive. You gotta love them! I texted Nancy and told her I would probably be a few minutes late. She was okay with it.

Once I got to the bus stop in Crafton, it was 7:15am. I didn’t want to wait for a 28x, so I took a g3 into town, then a 71 to Oakland. Drew was smart and got off on the Carnegie exit from the parkway, and went to Crafton that way. I should have done that I was hoping to not be in traffic that long. Being late sucks.

When I finally walked into my building, it was a little after 8am. I was so rushed. I called my mom for a bit, then got to work. I texted Nancy and told her I was here. She said, not too bad for an accident. I agreed. I have done some projects here and there, but today I have a meeting with Mel and Jen at 2:30pm, then a 3pm meeting with Melanie. I hope this day goes fast so I can see my pups.

At lunch, Nancy and I went to Five Guys. I have never been there before. I had burgers and fries two days in a row now. I feel so fat. I can’t wait to go to the gym on Sunday. I need to eat better, but it so tempting. I eat salads every day, but then Nancy asks me what I am doing for lunch? and I lose all control!

The meeting with Mel and Jen went well. We finally are on the same page and seem to know what to do in case a student comes to us with an issue. After we met with Jen, Mel and I finished our One-on-One. I had some work to do when I got back to my desk, not enough people applied to teach in the summer. They seem to want the research money more than the teaching money. I had to remind a few students to please send in the applications, and I have some organizing to do, but nothing major.

After the meeting, the day flew by. When Drew and I were on the bus, he told me that they were able to restore backups since the system crashed, but he is thinking that he is going to have to pass on this weekend’s festivities so he can catch back up. He feels so pressured. This demo is to take place in almost a week! I am sad that he might have to miss out this weekend, but I understand.

When we got on the bus, I got a call from my dad around 5:00pm. He called to ask me if I got home yet? I said, “No I don’t get out until 4:30pm. I get home around 6pm on a good day. You know that.” He said, “I know. I am sorry.”  I said, “I will call you when I get home.” I hung up the phone and gave Drew a look. He shook his head. They didn’t get the pet sitter to come today, because they left around 10am, but they should know what time I get out of work, and when I get home by now. I was just so annoyed. Nothing seemed easy today.

When we finally got to my parents’, I let the dogs out and they went to the bathroom and they were fine! After I fed them, my mom texted me and asked if the dogs were ok? I said, of course, I would text you if something was wrong. I just want them to back off. They should have had someone come to the house today, but since they didn’t they are up my ass about it. I am doing the best I can. I can’t control traffic, or when I get to leave work. I got it guys.

After I fed them, we ate dinner, then I got a shower and we watched a little of Pens game,  then turned on Entourage. I am just not in a hockey mood yet. I feel as though it just ended, but it was cool to see the banner be raised, and Sid come out with the cup. I didn’t feel like going to bed until 11pm. After two episodes of Entourage, we started to watch the Lady Gaga Documentary 5 foot 2. I like it so far. I started dozing off, but I had to get the dogs out one more time before I went to bed.

First Week

My first week as a full-time employee of Pitt was awesome! Yes, it was a bit overwhelming with all the information, but my office is beautiful. It is so big, and I have so many shelves. I am just so happy. Today, I finally feel like I had a grip on what exactly they were talking about, but there is still so much to learn and a whole different vocabulary, as well. I need to add to my acronyms list.

Today, I met with Mel in the morning. She and I developed a list of things we need to do, orientation is one of the top priorities, and updating the binder, as well as creating them for the students. It is hard when the previous person isn’t here to train. I am trying not to get too overwhelmed, but it is difficult to pick up where someone left off, and not know really where they left off, or where anything is.

When it was time for lunch, Wynn and Nancy asked me if I wanted to go with them to get Chinese food. I was so happy, my first lunch date with the women from the office! I am fitting in so well here already. At lunch, I learned more about the people and the department. I am sure whatever we talk about at lunch, stays at lunch.

After lunch, we went back to the office. Nancy and I had no clue what we were doing, or what we needed to get done. I finally was able to finish this project I had been working on with Mel regarding student eval letters and OMETS. I had to upload them in the Box, and make sure everything on the box was on the Z drive. I have so much still to do, but Monday will be here soon enough.

 

Last Day as Docent

Last night, I didn’t go to sleep until 3:30AM. I had trouble sleeping always happens when I have been out the night before, and consumed alcohol. I didn’t get drunk, but I did have a couple drinks.

This morning, I woke up at 9:30am, got a shower and got dressed. Andrew was due home at some point today from Ben and Tricia’s. I wasn’t sure what time he was coming home, but I texted him when I woke up, just to say good morning. My stomach was feeling off, so didn’t make any coffee. I just had no motivation to go to the Chapel today. It was my last day as a docent and I was totally okay with it. I just wish I could have done anything else but work today. I so need to get ready for tomorrow, orientation, and then I am reporting to my department for the first time. It is going to start full swing, and I want to be mentally ready.

Around 10:30am Drew came home, I was glad I got to see him before I left the house. He asked if I needed him to do anything around the house to help me get ready for tomorrow? I said, “No thank you baby, but that is sweet. I think I just need to make myself mentally ready, and I am the only one who can do that.” I thought it was nice that he offered and sweet of him to ask. He was in such a good mood, and didn’t seem too hung over or cranky.

When I left the house, traffic was terrible on the parkway heading into the city. I didn’t get to Oakland, until 12pm. I had to drive around for a little. Parking was horrendous.  Thank God parking is free on Sunday and that is probably why it is so bad. Everyone is out and about on this beautiful day and I should be at the pool!

When I opened the Chapel, there were a couple tourists out front. I just opened the door, and put the sign out. If they wanted to come in, they could, but I wasn’t going to let them know that we were definitely open. No extra work,. or extra miles today. I was on the phone with Anthony when I opened and few people came in. I had to get off the phone with them, it was too distracting.

At one point, this man came in and asked, “When was the Chapel built?” I said, “1933.” He said, “Oh that wasn’t part of the WPA deal.” He turned and walked away. I googled the WPA deal. It was something Roosevelt put in place, during the Great Depression to get men back to work, well the Cathedral was part of the deal. I approached him and said, “I never heard of the term WPA deal. I did some research and the Cathedral was part of the deal, so the Chapel must overlap in someway, because this was built around the same time as the Cathedral of Learning.” He said, “Oh okay thank you.” Then he asked me all these other questions about the cathedral. I said, “I am not sure of those answers, sir. However, there is an information desk at the visitors center in the Cathedral, they will be able to help answer your questions better.” Damn my curiosity. All I know about is the Chapel, I don’t get paid to know anything more.

Recently, I had a family visiting from Canada. Their daughter is an accomplished pianist. I asked if she wanted to play the organ? She said, “Oh my God, seriously I have been wanting too.” I said, “Yes, sure. Let me turn it on for you.” I turned on the switch the air went through the pipes, but as she was touching the keys the sound wasn’t coming on. I turned on the sound sequence in the ambulatory, and that didn’t work, so I called Frank. Frank said, that if she is organist she would know what knobs to pull. I said, She is a pianist. Then he told me she would have to push the knobs out in order to get the sound she wanted. I told her what he said, and it worked. She was able to play quite a few songs, and she did so well. Her family was so happy that she was able to play. We talked about the chapel, the windows, where they are from, and etc.

When they left, they gave a nice donation to the chapel, and asked where they could drop a line to my Director or my manager about me, and how well I am doing. They wanted to tell them about how great I made their visit. I was glad to get an at a girl, today. It made me feel good on my last day as a docent.

Around 4:30pm, I have a couple coming into look at the Chapel for their wedding. I am going to close up after I am done with them. I want to get home so badly. I am so tired. I feel like I have so much to do to prepare for tomorrow.

When I got home, Andrew had dinner made, and he surprised me with a bouquet of a dozen of pink roses. He wanted to surprise me and let me know how much he loves me and is so proud of me. I am so damn blessed. I am so happy he is in my life and that he is my husband.