Bad News

This morning while I was at work, the reject e-mail came through from RMU. I was so upset. I stayed in the bathroom a few extra mins. When I came out of the bathroom, I told Chris, my boss that it looks like I am staying for awhile. He said, “You didn’t get it?” I said, “no.” I stood there holding back tears, staring blankly out the window.

When the office phone rang, and he picked it up I turned to leave the office. I went outside and called my mom and told her. I started to cry. When I was about to go back in, I called Drew and told him. He felt so bad for me. He knew how badly I wanted it. What could have went wrong? what did I say wrong? What happened? I am not sure. I was so sad.

When I went back inside, all I could do was just stare blankly out the window, or at the wall. I couldn’t even look at Chris. For a couple weeks, Chris was planning for my exit, bringing in candidates, phone screening, etc. I feel like shit. I can’t believe this didn’t work out for me. I feel kind of like an ass. I kept telling Chris I am leaving, so we better do this and that. I was so sure I was going to get it. Well, so much for that. I messaged one of my old professors, and he said, that he feels so bad I didn’t get. I told him I wanted to apply for a couple other postings I saw on the RMU site. When I told him which ones, he said, to get my resume in fast, because they were conducting phone screens for my current position.

When I told Chris, he said, why don’t you just go apply for those and take a break and come back? So that is what I did, I left and went to Moon to apply for the positions, and then go back to work. I knew this was going to be the longest few hours ever. After I applied for the positions, I went back to work. Chris and I decided that I was going to be moved to Part-time so I could figure out my next move. We both knew this was not my calling. I told Chris from the start this is not for me, either. He knew it. I knew it, so I am not quite sure why he offered me the position, if he knew i was just planning to leave once something happened? I knew why I accepted it, but at the same time it was only until something more suitable for me came along. If there was enough work to fill a day, I think it would be so different. Now it’s awkward.

In the afternoon, I got the reject e-mail from the University’s, Social Work Department, as well. The bad news keeps coming, I was kind of not surprised by that, because too much time went by, and it wasn’t ideal how long it was taking. So, when Drew comes home, we are going to apply for some positions at Pitt, this evening. Here we go again! That evening, I didn’t want to go home, and I didn’t want to go to the gym. I knew that I was probably going to cry once I saw Drew, so my parents took me to dinner. I had a cheeseburger, fries, a beer, and a hot fudge sundae. It was exactly what I needed after a day like today.

When I got home after dinner, I applied for jobs at the University of Pittsburgh. I had to build a cover letter from scratch again with my current job on it. This just sucks all around. When Drew got home, we had a long talk about everything and the emotions were high. On to of all this, my period is so late!