London and Paris with Love 2018, Starbucks, Uncategorized

Traveling Back to the States

This morning we got up early, got dressed, ate our last hotel breakfast in England, then back to the room to make sure we had everything packed up. I did not want to leave at all. This was the best trip ever! We had an 8 hour flight head of us back to the states. Once again, another lay over in Philly. I was so bummed, so was Drew.
When we arrived to the airport, we got checked in and went through security, and decided to check out the shops in the airport. I was checking out Harrod’s. They had two stores one that was just clothes, and high end designers. The other was their name and accessories.  I forgot to go to Harrod’s when we were in London, but it was nice to go there now, even though we were in the Airport. Drew realized he forgot his Fitbit in security, he went over and gave them his information, and said they would page him if they found it.
Then we checked out Harrod’s accessories in their brand. Drew bought me a super cute tote bag. He surprises me sometimes.
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We got coffee from Starbucks, and picked up a London mug. It was from the Starbucks anywhere collection. Then it was time to head to our gate. It was soon time to board the flight. We got on the plane, got settled in our seats. As we circled the run way, I said goodbye to England. I was so upset. I had to hold it together though.

When the plan was in the air, the flight attendants eventually came around with the beverage cart. We ordered our drinks. I had two vodka tonics, and Drew had two whiskeys over ice. Dinner was yummy, it was a roast, potatoes, and veggies. It was hard to be sad about heading home, when you had such good service.
At one point, I finished the last episode of the Miniaturist that was uploaded on to the televisions. I can’t believe what happened and how the guy died, but his wife will be just fine I know it! I was hoping to catch more episodes at home, our Firestick. I also wanted to check for GoggleBox, as well. I am already missing English television.

After the miniaturist, I watched I, Tonya.  It was pretty good, better than I thought it was going to be. I was surprised. Margot Robbie did a good job. I do feel a little bad for Tonya Harding, so crazy though! I do remember that controversy and what happened to Nancy Kerrigan. I was young, but it was a big story.  After the movie, I read some more of Hemingway. I couldn’t sleep. I was running on adrenaline.

When we arrived in Philly, it was 3:00pm. We were in desperate need of a beer. We were drained from our flight. Drew said, the first bar we find. We found this one bar, (I forget the name) everything is touch screen. We took a seat, ordered our first american beer.  I chose a Summer Shandy. We ordered some cheese fries to hold us over until we got home. The fries were so salty and the beer made me feel so bloated. Ugh, I already miss the food and the beer over in England, it had no preservatives and just made fresh and so good.

After our beer, we made our way to the gate and waited to board the flight to Pittsburgh. I couldn’t believe it we were in the states. Once we landed in Pittsburgh, my mom met us at the baggage claim area. Once I saw her I gave her the biggest hug. I did miss my mom and I know she was glad we were home safe and sound. She helped us with our luggage and my dad pulled up the curb and gave us both a hug. He loaded up his car with our luggage. They had so many questions for us about our trip and wanted to hear all about it.

When we arrived at our house, we brought our stuff into the house and then we ordered pizza. They wanted to hear all about our trip. We gave them their gifts. We bought my mom a little plate with Harry and Megan’s picture on it from the Royal Wedding. We bought my dad a shirt with Union jack on it. He requested one. We showed them the gifts we bought for ourselves and they were so happy we had such a good time.
After the pizza arrived, we sat down and told them more about our trip, but we were ready for bed. I couldn’t wait to just lay in our bed and go to sleep.

Uncategorized, Wellness

Not Feeling Well

This morning I woke up with a scratchy throat. I texted my barre instructor and apologized for my absence at the studio today. She told me to take care and feel better. I told her I would see her Wednesday, if all was well. I just wanted to go back to bed, but I was up. I got a shower, and put some laundry in the washer. Drew made eggs for breakfast and I ate a little bit, but I wasn’t really all that hungry. I laid on the couch and watched Howard’s End. I have two more episodes to catch up on.
Drew went to the grocery store, came back, and I helped him unload the groceries and put them away. Then he went to the gym. I had no energy to even go work out.  I should, but I didn’t. I went back to sleep on the couch, until 3pm. I got up and finished the rest of the laundry.
When Drew came home, I cooked dinner. We had some fish, so it was easy to just throw it in the oven for 20 mins on 375 degrees. Drew cooked the broccoli. We had dinner around 5pm. It was a waste of a day for me. I was hormonal too. I needed to just go to bed and try again tomorrow. I didn’t have a sore throat anymore which was good.
After dinner, we watched Game Night with Jason Bateman and Rachel McAdams. It was so funny. Some parts were funnier than others, but it was cute. After the movie, I went upstairs and got ready for bed. It was Sunday night and I am always restless on Sunday evenings. We will see what tomorrow brings.

Drugs, Thoughts

A Boy from my Past Died

DISCLAIMER: Beware this a very honest and serious blog post. I don’t mean to offend, this is just my uncensored thoughts and opinions.:

I got a phone call notification on Facebook messenger. My screen said Amber. I answered the call. She said, “Hey, I don’t know your number anymore, but did you hear Josh passed away?” I said, “What? Who?” She said, “Josh (Last Name) ain’t sad.” I had this confused look on my face. I said, “Yes, it is, but I haven’t really seen Josh, or heard from him in years. It has to be since we were in High school.” She said, “Oh, I am so sad over it.” I said, “was it drugs?” She said, “I don’t know. You and everyone else keep asking me that, I am not a forensic examiner.” We both laughed. I missed that sarcastic sense of humor. Our shared sense of the humor, is one of the main elements that held our friendship together, as we got older I have found there were so many key things that we just didn’t have in common anymore. I just couldn’t ignore it anymore.
When I got off the phone with her, I got to thinking wow a guy I dated, when I was 13 years old is dead. He was my so-called, “boyfriend” for maybe 2-3 weeks in the 7th grade. I still liked Zach and I think Zach and I were trying to date again, and that is why I broke up with him, or maybe it was because Amber really didn’t like him, and planned to hook me up with Eugene; a friend of her boyfriend’s. The time line is a little fuzzy. I don’t have any pictures of me and Josh. I only really have one memory of him and me.
Looking back, I remember my dad and I dropped me and Josh off at the move theaters in South Hills Village Mall. We went to go see the Wedding Planner. It was a weird pre-teen date. Your parent drops you off and picks you up, and it is awkward, because you wish you could just date like normal teenagers, but neither one of us drove. I hated those kind of dates, where my parents, or a parent would come and pick us up, always so awkward. I remember being so excited to get out of that phase, but anyways back to Josh.
In high school, I remember hanging out with this girl Nicole a couple times.  I would take the bus with her, back to her house. She lived by our old grade school. I knew Josh lived in her neighborhood still. He never left Sheraden. I would see him, when she and I would be walking around the neighborhood. He would see me and want to hold me, try to kiss me, and get back together with me, but he always looked so grungy, and had these gauges in his ears. I wasn’t really having it. He didn’t really age well into his teenager years, and there after. He just looked dirty, and disheveled all the time. He was all about the “Skater” look and he bragged about smoking weed. I just never really was attracted to him anymore. He was more clean cut and nice looking when he was younger.
After seeing him those couple times, I hadn’t seen him again. Even when I would be back in the neighborhood, where I grew up in Crafton. I never once saw him in the shopping center, or at the bars, etc. It was like he disappeared in a sense, but he never left Sheraden. Amber said, he used to work with her at the pizza place in Crafton, oh okay cool?
I believe Josh died of an overdose. It hasn’t been confirmed.  I knew he smoked weed, but I guess he was into harder drugs. I don’t know what, but I would probably guess and say Heroin. It is easy to get on the streets and popular in certain areas, so is weed, but weed is becoming so unpopular and not as “taboo” anymore. I remember learning about all these various drugs in D.A.R.E class. I never had the desire to try any of them, but I did try weed, other than that I just never had an interest in going past weed and trying something “harder.” It is hard for me to imagine the reason why people would want to do “Drugs.” Drugs of any sort. Weed made me paranoid and it didn’t really chill me out, like people say it should.
Also, I find it hard for to have sympathy for the ones that do drugs, and eventually kill themselves. I know that may sound harsh, but you wouldn’t be dead right now, if you never did drugs? I mean you overdosed, so if you never dosed in the first place, your chances of living would be much higher. I know it maybe hard for some people to seek help; can’t afford it, or can’t commit. This may be cruel, but I save my sympathy for the people who are more deserving of it.The whole idea of Drugs are selfish, and overdosing is a very selfish thing to do you, and your loved ones. Oh, I forgot to mention, Josh left behind two children.
This the first death that I have experienced, where it was someone that I dated. I really have no words. I have typed and said them all. I feel it is sad for his family, but it doesn’t quite affect me. My life turned out so different then some of my friends. I willed it that way, and I fought for the things I have in my life. It wasn’t easy to go down this path. I had opportunities to lose my way, but I never wanted to. I always tried to do well, and do the right thing. I did have my moments, where I lived in the dark and I had dark times, but they didn’t last long and they weren’t extreme. I have always preferred the light, no matter how enticing the dark may seem.
I am thankful for my upbringing and the ability to distinguish the light from the dark. I have a great foundation.I take it for granted almost daily, but I am working on it. I am more thankful for things, than I used to be.
However, to those who have used and are struggling with addiction I hope you receive help and you learn to value yourself, and please stop being so selfish. think of your families, your children, your loved ones, the people, who would be devastated. Think of someone else other than yourself.

Job Experiences', Job Journey, Job Lessons

Bad News

This morning while I was at work, the reject e-mail came through from RMU. I was so upset. I stayed in the bathroom a few extra mins. When I came out of the bathroom, I told Chris, my boss that it looks like I am staying for awhile. He said, “You didn’t get it?” I said, “no.” I stood there holding back tears, staring blankly out the window.

When the office phone rang, and he picked it up I turned to leave the office. I went outside and called my mom and told her. I started to cry. When I was about to go back in, I called Drew and told him. He felt so bad for me. He knew how badly I wanted it. What could have went wrong? what did I say wrong? What happened? I am not sure. I was so sad.

When I went back inside, all I could do was just stare blankly out the window, or at the wall. I couldn’t even look at Chris. For a couple weeks, Chris was planning for my exit, bringing in candidates, phone screening, etc. I feel like shit. I can’t believe this didn’t work out for me. I feel kind of like an ass. I kept telling Chris I am leaving, so we better do this and that. I was so sure I was going to get it. Well, so much for that. I messaged one of my old professors, and he said, that he feels so bad I didn’t get. I told him I wanted to apply for a couple other postings I saw on the RMU site. When I told him which ones, he said, to get my resume in fast, because they were conducting phone screens for my current position.

When I told Chris, he said, why don’t you just go apply for those and take a break and come back? So that is what I did, I left and went to Moon to apply for the positions, and then go back to work. I knew this was going to be the longest few hours ever. After I applied for the positions, I went back to work. Chris and I decided that I was going to be moved to Part-time so I could figure out my next move. We both knew this was not my calling. I told Chris from the start this is not for me, either. He knew it. I knew it, so I am not quite sure why he offered me the position, if he knew i was just planning to leave once something happened? I knew why I accepted it, but at the same time it was only until something more suitable for me came along. If there was enough work to fill a day, I think it would be so different. Now it’s awkward.

In the afternoon, I got the reject e-mail from the University’s, Social Work Department, as well. The bad news keeps coming, I was kind of not surprised by that, because too much time went by, and it wasn’t ideal how long it was taking. So, when Drew comes home, we are going to apply for some positions at Pitt, this evening. Here we go again! That evening, I didn’t want to go home, and I didn’t want to go to the gym. I knew that I was probably going to cry once I saw Drew, so my parents took me to dinner. I had a cheeseburger, fries, a beer, and a hot fudge sundae. It was exactly what I needed after a day like today.

When I got home after dinner, I applied for jobs at the University of Pittsburgh. I had to build a cover letter from scratch again with my current job on it. This just sucks all around. When Drew got home, we had a long talk about everything and the emotions were high. On to of all this, my period is so late!

Job Experiences', Job Journey, Job Lessons

Closing the Loop….

This morning, I woke up around 9:30AM, and got a shower. I had to get ready for the mattress delivery men and I had to get the bed stripped. After my shower, I got dressed and stripped the bed. I made some coffee and watched Dawson’s Creek, then Leanne called me and we chatted while the mattress guys came to deliver the mattress. I don’t like being alone when delivery men show up.

While the men were dragging the new mattress up and taking the old one out of the house, my other line beeped in on the phone, and it was CMU. I told Leanne to hang on. I clicked over and it was Gloria Gruber from CMU. I thought this was the moment, but I wasn’t sure because I could tell in her voice, that she didn’t seem excited.  Typically, one can tell right away, whether it was good news or not. It was not good news. She told me she was calling to “Close the loop on the position.” I did not receive the position, because they chose not to fill it at the present time, but they are going to go ahead and put a temp in the position for now. I was so upset. I said, “Oh okay, well thank you for calling and letting me know.”

When I got off the phone with her, I clicked back over to Leanne. I told her what happened. She told me not to worry something will come through for me. I told her I was coming over when the mattress guys left. I had to get out. I felt like the house was getting smaller and closing in on me.

After the guys left, I called Drew when I was getting ready to walk out the door. I wasn’t sure how he was going to react, or what he was going to say. I knew he would be upset at the fact that I didn’t get it. I know he isn’t mad at me and this whole thing isn’t my fault. I have been applying for jobs, but nothing has been coming out of it. I know its probably because of the holidays, and etc. I get it, but damn. I miss the music department, and my friends.

When I got to Leanne’s, she was sitting there finger knitting and Maci was on the couch. She was sick. I went there to take my mind off of the situation, so she taught me how to finger knit. I couldn’t tell if I liked it or not, but it did take my mind off things. While I was there, I called Jason from Volt and he said he no longer works at Volt. He started working at Dollar Energy yesterday was his first day. He did tell me some names of people I could contact. Wow all my old contacts are not working for me in the way they once did. I stayed until 3pm then I went home. I had to make dinner. I just didn’t want to be there anymore. I wasn’t in the mood for her. I love her, but I couldn’t be around her today. When I got home, I made dinner, did some laundry, and fixed our bed. I applied for jobs.

Then Drew came home, and I knew I was going to cry the moment I saw him. I cried all evening. I think he did too a little in his own little way. I kind of knew that there was a possibility that I wasn’t going to get it, but at the same time I was still so hopeful, and so ready to accept the position, because of how I got the interview, it just seemed written in the stars, but I am back to square one. I hope something comes from these applications that I have been putting in, especially the one at Pitt. I told Paula, and she was sad for me. I told her I applied for the Theatre Arts administrator. She said she was going to reach out to her contact for me. It was a sad evening, and one that I do not want to relive.