Seizing the Beautiful Day

This afternoon, I met up with my supervisor from CMU, and I returned to him the lap top, HDMI cord, mouse, and my CMU ID. He handed me two gifts and a card. One gift was a set of CMU wine glasses, the other is a bottle of wine. The note was so sweet. I will miss my colleagues at CMU. I am not sure what is next for me. I have a call set up for tomorrow with my advisor to see if there are any opportunities for the Fall semester that I could apply for. I am hopeful something will come up.

When I got home, I got changed and put on some walking clothes and seized the beautiful day.

I thought about how I used to go trick-or-treating in this neighborhood and how I used to think these streets were so big, and so long. Now as an adult the streets don’t seem as big. I thought about how I have grown since living at my parents, and the opportunities I had. I walked up one side street and down the other. they kind of connect at the bottom of the street.

When I walked up one of the side streets, and looked over to my right and up some. You can see a little view of Downtown Pittsburgh.

I thought there she is. Downtown Pittsburgh. In the image way off to the left you can see the Cathedral of learning. I took a minute and thought about my opportunities and all that I accomplished. It as a very existential moment for me. Even though NSYNC and the bops from my pre-teen years were in my ears playing through my Beats ear buds, but I have come so far and have had so many amazing opportunities. Something is going to pull through. I am grateful for my skills, abilities, and opportunities.

After my walk, which was 5 1/2 laps totaling 5.85 miles. I was whooped. I haven’t felt this good in a while. I am loving this walk. I will miss it when it is time to go back home.

Love in the time of the Coronavirus

Yesterday, Drew was at work when he texted me and asked me if I had seen an e-mail from the Chancellor, of the University of Pittsburgh. I refreshed my e-mail on my phone and saw that that I had received an e-mail and it was about Pitt’s Actions against the Corona Virus. I read the e-mail and we are moving to online learning, and there will not be anymore in person classes for the rest of the semester. I couldn’t believe this was happening. Robert Morris University sent out there notice and are moving to online learning, and even cancelled fan attendance at the Women’s basketball game for the NEC Tournament final. Carnegie Mellon University send out their notice and are planing to move to online learning, but need a couple days to sort it out, but the campus will remain open, but most events are cancelled, as well. This is such a strange time. I feel the need to look out for myself and prepare to be disciplined since now everything is to be conducted for school online.

Andrew and I went to the store yesterday to grab a couple things and the aisles that contain toilet paper were bare. There was hardly any Lysol wipes. This is madness. When we got home, I put dinner in the oven, and we watched the President address the nation.  I need to think about my safety and the safety of those around me, and social distance myself. I hope this doesn’t last long, but it is the way it has to be for now. I think it’s good we learn to embrace virtual learning and test our tech skills and knowledge.

Thursday 1/23

My schedule is different this semester. Last semester my weekends started on Thursday afternoons after CMU. This semester my weekends start at 7:10pm after Ethics class on Thursday. This week was so busy. I am ready for the weekend. I did have a paper to write at some point over the weekend, but I wanted to take some time for self-care. I feel like I am in need of a little rest. I don’t want to use this medium of expression to complain, but I was in need of a little pause.


Late Start to the Day

Today, I did not have to be at CMU until 1pm, so I stopped over my parents and hung out with them for a bit and was able to see my dogs.
I love being able to see them. I don’t get to see them as much now that the semester started up back up. I am trying really hard to balance my commitments this semester. I think I am doing well, but at the same time it is tough to find the motivation to sit down and do the assignments. I am blessed with the opportunities and I am very grateful to have them.

The spring semester always seems to be the toughest. It is hard to find that rhythm and balance after coming off of Christmas break. I am trying not to think, just do and get it done.

In the afternoon, I assisted with the activities fair. Once the organizations are set up, I like to wander up and down the tables and see what each organization is about and all the things they have on their table for promotion. I tried a Chinese cookie from the Chinese Cooking Club. It was pretty good.

Unpacking the Past

This probably the most awkward post I have ever had to write. They say everyone has a past. Everyone has a complicated past or a complicated ex, or situation. There is one person who stands out to me. We never really found that closure and always found ourselves going back to one, another.

I went to RMU in the evening to meet with John and pick up a scarf that a workstudy made for me.
image.pngI love when my students make stuff for me. The color is amazing. I asked her to please make me a grey one as well.

I got my table set up with John’s computer to swipe in the students, who were coming to the magician event. I took a seat at the table and waited for the students to arrive. I was browsing my phone, and I checked my Instagram. I wanted to see who saw my stories about my scarf!

Then I noticed, I had a direct message notification. I tapped the notifciation and then the screen opened a direct message from my past, the ex, the complicated situation. He sent me an emjoi of him waving his hand. I took a deep breath. I wanted to say so many things. I started to text then I hit backspace. I started to text again. Then I hit back space. Then I thought of the only logical thing I could say to him, “Please leave me alone.” I hit send. I think that phrase was going to have to be good enough. Sure, it wasnt all that I wanted to say, but I can’t go down that rabbit hole, of wanting to unpack the past. I just can’t. He sent me the thumbs up emjoii. I blocked him.

As soon as this happened, I called Drew and told him. He was glad that I told him and that I did what I did. I even sent him a screen shot of the proof. He was grateful. I couldn’t explain to my husband, how much of a struggle it was just to send that simple phrase. My ego was ignited. He was still trying to talk to me. I might be able to talk to Drew(my husband) about it. I know my mom would understand, and my bestfriend.

After the event, I went home. I called my mom on the way home. Anthony, my best friend was on the way home from work and wasn’t able to talk right away. My mom definitely undersood where I was coming from and my urge to unpack the past. She was glad i didn’t respond with anything else except “Please leave me alone.” I told her how hard it was and I would type then hit back space. Type, then hit back space. My mom said, I did the right thing.

Anyone else experience this confliction? How did you handle it?

September 11th

Today is the 17th anniversary of 9/11. I knew exactly where I was when I heard news of the first plane hitting the world trade center. I was 14 years old and in my 8th grade English class. When Mr. Gabor, my history teacher, came into my classroom and told my teacher privately that a plane crashed into the World Trade Center. My English teacher allowed us to go into Mr. Gabor’s classroom to watch the television coverage. I remember being a little scared, but what are the odds that anything would happen to our school?

One by one, students were called down to the office. Parents were arriving to pick up their children and take them home. I was one of those children. My mom called the school and said she was going to pick up me and my best friend Amber. When my mom, arrived we got into her car and she took us to my Aunt and Uncle’s house where we spent the day hanging out and watching the news until my mom could pick us up after work. It was such a weird day. I don’t think Amber and I really understood what was going on at the time and how serious this was. Amber and I were typical 14-year-old girls, obsessed with pop music and boys.

In a way, I can’t believe it is 17 years and other ways it feels like it was just yesterday. I was watching the footage today of people jumping from buildings. I was sickened. I thought to myself, why wasn’t this important to me at 14? Well, it doesn’t matter, it is now.

For the longest time, the public, and or the media coined the phrase, “We will never forget.” I think some people have forgotten. We can see it in the treatment of others. I don’t know that is just my observation. I have class tonight, but I wanted to dedicate something to 9/11.

Do you remember where you were when you first heard about the World Trade Center, the Pentagon, or the field in Somerset PA?

Advising Apointment

I am presently sitting in the coffee shop of the U Club. I am prepping for my advising appointment. I have never been in this coffee shop before, but it is cute. It is called Brioche Doree. They have a little Eiffel Tower on the top of the pastry counter. It’s a cute quaint little coffee shop. It is not a cafe in Paris though. 😦 I am sipping a caramel latte waiting for my advisor to show. Our appointment is at 9am. She and I met before at orientation and I see her all the time in the building where my office is, but I am nervous for some reason.

There is so much going on at work and we are prepping for a new academic year. I am having trouble crossing tasks off my list, and now I am a prepping to start back to school on the fall. thus will be the second semester of my first year in Graduate School. I know that there is a lot of work ahead of me, but I am just trying to embrace it and love each moment of it. 2 more weeks and I will be back in the classroom again. Working full time, and attending graduate school part time. The reward will be sweet.

Workshop With Nicollete

This morning, I had a workshop to attend with Nicolette. It was one of the Professional Development workshops. We walked to Craig Hall together and talked about everything that is going on in our lives.

When we arrived at the workshop, we sat next to each other at a table. I said, “Memories. This is where we first met.” She laughed and I did too. We looked through the power point and saw some snapshots of random pictures at the table. A woman sat down next to me. Her name was Emily. She was the admin in CSSD, where Andrew works. 🙂 She and I said, hi to each other.

The first assignment of the workshop was to pick a picture from the table, hold it up for our table members to see and tell a little bit about ourselves, and why we chose this picture. I held up the picture of the Vegas strip. I introduced myself and then said, “I chose this picture because Andrew and I are going to do some traveling next month to Europe, but Britney Spears just finished her Vegas residency, and this is a picture of the Vegas strip.” They all laughed. I am so obsessed with Britney.

The point of that exercise is that people are going to associate you with the picture you chose. I am perfectly fine with being associated with Britney Spears, this doesn’t bother me at all.

At one point in the workshop, The presenter said, it is important to not lose your personality for a position in a company. You don’t want to have to compromise, who you are. I can’t remember the exact wording, but I thought about my bubbly personality. Could I be more professional? Yes, everyone can be. However, my bubbly personality is part of who I am. It is not a bad thing, it is just who I am. In the beginning, I was constantly told to be less bubbly, and more professional. I don’t think bubbly is not professional. Perhaps, I just need to be more professional, but that doesn’t mean losing myself, and my personality. Maybe carving it? But, I have been more successful as of late with professionalism, but this is my first real position at the University of Pittsburgh. However, the presenter did make me think about things.

After the presentation, the professor caught me in the hallway waiting for Nicollette. She said she didn’t mean to call me out in the presentation. (I talked to her during the break about my personality). I said, “no, you didn’t.” She said, ”That is a shame though that you feel as though you can’t always be yourself. Do you think that maybe you need to look elsewhere, so you are more fulfilled.”  I said, “see that is the thing. I chose this position, because the other offer I had at Alumni Hall, is something I didn’t think I was ready for, and this position was going to give me a way into the University and be more my speed for now. Maybe I should have taken a risk, but would it have worked out? I don’t know.” I also told her that I am about the brand of the University of Pittsburgh. If you were to take the department I work in and put it in a different University, it would still run the same with a different brand. She nodded her head in agreement I told her that when it comes time for me to look elsewhere and apply for a different position in the University would she look at my cover letter? She said, she would definitely give me some feedback and things to consider.

When Nicollette and I walked out of the building, and back to our office. We talked about what the woman said, and I told Nicollette my thoughts and she agreed with me. It was just a matter of waiting for something to open up and then taking advantage of it, and see what happens. For now, I have a job and I am making money, and I refuse to lose my personality.

After the workshop, I met with Melanie about things coming up. It was a quick short meeting. I had to meet Suzanne and Nancy today to go over the schedule and probably cancel some classes. I knew it was going to be a long meeting. I got prepared as best as I could because I just found out about it.  We met in the chair’s office, and the meeting took until 3:30pm. It was a long meeting. I have some things to do in order to change the schedule, but Nancy said we will go over it tomorrow. I am not going to cancel classes yet, not until it is official. We are waiting to gauge the interest of some of our fellows first. After the meeting, I went back to my office and waited for 4:30pm to arrive so I could go home. I decided to not go to barre today. I just wanted to hang out.